Boring bedtime stories for adults · Coming to iPhone
Finally, a use for the dull parts of your day.
Write a line or two about the long standup, the grey inbox, the meeting that could have been a note. Ho-Hum writes a deliberately boring story from those lines and reads it aloud.
- Folding Warm Towels From the Dryer
- The Lighthouse Keeper’s Logbook
- Sorting a Jar of Buttons
- A Ferry Across a Flat Lake
- Waiting for the Bread Dough to Rise
- A Piano Tuner Works Through the Keys
- The Back Room of a Used Bookstore
- Rain on the Bus Shelter Roof
- A Houseplant Putting Out One New Leaf
- Raking the Leaves Into One Neat Pile
How it works
Your day goes in. Something duller comes out.
Three steps, one of which is lying down.
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One
Write a line or two
The dull parts are the good parts here. A line or two is plenty; there’s no wrong way to describe a Tuesday.
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Two
Pick a tone, set the pace
Tell Ho-Hum how the day went and how slow you want it told, from lively to mercifully dull.
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Three
Lie back and listen
Ho-Hum writes an uneventful opening from your lines, and a calm, unhurried AI voice reads it aloud. The same AI voice carries on into the rest of the story, from our recorded library.
Why boring
Most stories want you to stay. These are fine if you don’t.
Everything else on your phone is built to keep you watching. Ho-Hum is built the other way round. The app wins when you put it down.
- 01No cliffhangers.
- 02No twists.
- 03No cast of characters to keep track of.
- 04Nothing you’ll miss if you stop following along.
Just a slow account of something ordinary, read at an unhurried pace, about a day a lot like yours.
When the story ends
It fades. Then it gets out of the way.
When the story ends, it fades. Then it stops, or carries on into a soft loop of room tone, rain, ocean or fan for up to an hour.
Afterwards, a short note tells you how long the story played and when your next bedtime is. That’s all it knows. Ho-Hum reports playback, never anything about your night.
Topics
No day worth writing down? Pick a topic.
Ready-made stories about one dull subject, read the same unhurried way. No writing needed. A few from the shelf:
- The Lighthouse Keeper’s Logbook
- Folding Warm Towels From the Dryer
- A Stamp Album, Page by Page
- A Meadow With One Bee In It
- A Farm Stand on the Honor System
- The Library Book Drop in the Rain
- Watching the Tide Come In Slowly
- A Ferry Across a Flat Lake
- The Fern House at the Botanical Garden
- A Hotel Room With Nothing Planned
- A Flat Trail With Very Good Signs
- Tuning an Old Radio Slowly
- Sorting a Drawer of Recipe Cards
- Calligraphy Practice, One Letter at a Time
- An Archivist Sorting Old Postcards
- The Rock and Mineral Room
- Organizing the Spice Rack
- A Seed Catalog in the Mail
The small print, but friendly
Everything stays put.
Every story is kept
Every story you’ve heard stays in your library. Read it again any time, or replay it while subscribed.
Backed up to your iCloud
Your stories live on your phone and in your own private iCloud database, which we can’t read.
A reminder, if you want one
The bedtime reminder is optional. Ho-Hum asks for notification permission only if you turn it on.
Privacy, in plain words
Your day is nobody else’s business.
To write and read your story, your day goes to an AI writer and a voice service. Here is what happens next.
- We delete your notes from our servers once your phone has the whole story.
- A story written from your notes never goes into the shared library, and nobody else ever hears it.
- No account, and no ads.
- Your name is optional, and stays out of your stories unless you turn on “Put me in my stories.”
- Every story is written by AI and read by an AI voice. We say so up front.
What it costs
Your first story is free.
Hear one before you decide. After that, Ho-Hum is a subscription.
To start
One free story
A whole story from your day, read aloud. No account, nothing to set up first.
Then
A subscription
- Up to three stories a night that begin with your day.
- Topic and library stories, as many as you like.
- Weekly, monthly or yearly. Monthly and yearly start with 7 free nights for new subscribers; weekly has no trial.
Prices are shown in the app and vary by region. Plans renew automatically unless cancelled at least 24 hours before the current period ends. Cancel any time in Settings > [your name] > Subscriptions.
Questions
Fair questions
Who is Ho-Hum for?
Adults. The stories are about grown-up dullness: inboxes, standups, the laundry.
Who writes the stories?
An AI writer writes a fresh opening from your lines each time, and an AI voice reads it aloud. The rest of the story comes from our recorded library, read by the same AI voice. Stories are generated and can be wrong or odd.
What if I don’t feel like writing anything?
Pick a topic instead: ready-made stories about one dull subject, such as a lighthouse logbook or a ferry across a flat lake. No writing needed.
Is it a sleep app?
It’s a story app that tries very hard to be boring. Ho-Hum is not a medical device or a crisis service, and it doesn’t measure anything about your night. It tells you how long a story played, and that’s it.
Do I need an account?
No. Ho-Hum has no account and shows no ads. Your stories are backed up to your own iCloud.
When can I get it?
Ho-Hum is coming to iPhone. Join the waitlist and we’ll email you when it’s out.
Put the day down.
Ho-Hum is coming to iPhone. Leave your email and we’ll tell you the day it’s out.
Questions first? or write to support@hohum.app.